Whether or not your relationship has been open to pornography use in the past, when porn is causing problems in your marriage it’s a problem worth seeking help for. As a couples therapist and marriage counselor, Dr. Taji Huang can help you navigate the rockiest paths through a relationship – including the disruptive influences of porn. Learn more about what to watch out for and when it’s time to seek professional help.
The Problems With Porn
It’s readily available and has had a reputation for decades as a marital tool to “spice things up.” Is porn really that big of a deal? In a study published by the Journal of Sex Research in 2016, 60 to 70 percent of men and 30 to 40 percent of women younger than age 40 were reported to use porn yearly, and 45 percent of men and 15 percent of women use it weekly.
Let’s look at some of the ways our growing porn use can be affecting our most important relationships.
- The brain can get used to the on-demand, hyper-arousing situations on the screen, causing dissatisfaction and even erectile dysfunction during real-life intimacy, which can never live up.
- It can become easier to tune into porn during moments of stress or depression than it is to put in the effort of connecting with your real-life partner – slowly eroding your bond instead of building it.
- Porn can introduce unrealistic expectations of performance and beauty into the bedroom, causing even more dissatisfaction.
- Satisfaction becomes more and more of the point – removing vulnerability and relationship from what should be a relationship-strengthening experience for both of you.
- It can introduce secrecy, shame, and mistrust into your relationship.
How It Affects Your Partner
As many couples can attest to, the negative effects of pornography use don’t end with the person using it. Holding the yardstick of porn-perfect bodies and unrealistic interactions to your own intimate relationship takes a toll. When you find out your partner has been viewing porn or that their porn use has grown far beyond what you thought you knew, it’s normal to feel angry, betrayed, and even bad about yourself.
- Why would they choose this experience when the real thing is right here?
- Is it because I gained weight?
- Am I just boring in bed?
- What if our friends, family, or kids find out?
- Does this mean my partner is some sort of deviant?
- Is he/she basically cheating on me?
Get Help – Your Marriage Is Worth It
Because pornography use can be hard to talk about, it’s often easier to sweep things under the rug and make excuses, like at least my partner is at home – it’s not like they’re actually out there meeting up with other men or women. But why let bad feelings grow and fester when help is just a phone call away?
12 Signs Your Porn Use Is A Problem
- You keep thinking about porn, even when you are not actively watching it.
- You watch porn in places where you might be seen – work, school, public transportation, etc.
- You continue to watch porn despite the problems it is causes in your relationships, work-life, or home life.
- You experience reduced sexual satisfaction with your spouse.
- You intentionally hide porn use from your spouse.
- You feel shame, guilt, or depression after use.
- You get upset when asked to stop.
- You lose track of time when watching.
- You have tried to quit or limit your use but have not been successful.
- You find yourself watching progressively more extreme or violent scenarios.
- You use it to cope with negative feelings.
- It is costing you money or replacing hobbies you once enjoyed.
Schedule Marriage Counseling In Glendale
Get help in a safe, private, understanding environment with marriage counseling for those struggling with pornography problems. Contact Glendale psychologist Dr. Taji Huang and schedule couples therapy today. Let’s get to the root of the problem and explore solutions that are right for you and your unique relationship together.